Sexist jokes - reinforcing patriarchy, or critiquing it?

This is an email I wrote to a lecturer of mine, following up on a discussion we had after class last week. It was really interesting for me to do some research on the topic - it is SUCH a complex issue, and I feel that the more I read the more complex it gets, and the less I know. But here is my best attempt at articulating my view. Fingers are crossed for a response...

I want to start by explaining that I am not accusing you of sexism. I don’t believe that you are sexist. My point though, is that despite best intentions, comments intended as harmless can actually have really negative effects, because of the sexist society that we live in.

As a woman, when I hear jokes like the one you made, I feel frustrated and disappointed. I didn’t laugh, because I didn’t find it funny. And then I felt left out for not laughing. This makes me feel like law school is still a sexist environment, especially for women, who, like myself, take feminism seriously. And it makes me really upset that most female law students don’t realize how sexist it is (see here for an explanation of internalised sexism).

This means another generation is growing up with ingrained sexist attitudes, and that is really upsetting. You could be helping to turn the tide against this.

I posed this question to my friends on Facebook:

“FB friends! Opinions on this please. Lecturer says, 

"As a woman, when you get married you promise to do all the cooking and ironing."

How would you interpret this?

a) hilarious, because it is so ridiculous to hold that opinion of women that of course its a joke. By poking fun at this perspective we are challenging it and showing how ludicrous it is;

or,

b) sexist and offensive, because while meant as a joke, the fact that people find it funny is a reflection of the embedded sexist attitudes we continue to hold as a society. Although meant as harmless, it actually enforces patriarchal norms and attitudes towards women.

Thoughts?”

Here are some of the responses I got. This one is from another student in the class.

"I think there were definitely overtones of sexism in that comment. While I definitely think (a) was the intended interpretation, it was pretty obvious it relied on all of us thinking of "get back in the kitchen" jokes, and the idea that, in the legal contract of marriage, there was no room for equal partnership, but instead a female's role was that of cooking/cleaning etc while the manly man role of protection and money earning was left to the manly man. It totally wouldn't explicitly perpetuate (b) but definitely, in seeing a senior lecturer who commands a good deal of respect of students, he should know that it could implicitly could be seen by many members of our class as legitimising those kind of comments because "oh we all know they're just jokes". No, I don't appreciate being told to go back in the kitchen. I'll go in the kitchen because I enjoy baking, not because I'm practicing for my potential husband. "

Another friend said:

"I think B. I think it's stupid to consider that such a joke would bring attention to a situation and challenge it - women don't need reminding that sexism exists, we face it every bloody day. It just perpetuates and trivialised women's positions, by saying "look, this happens, and we can laugh at it!""

Another friend said that “argument a) is very dependent on the audience not having underlying/unconscious prejudices”.

From another friend:

“a) could be ok if the lecturer uses it as platform to deconstruct sexism; but b) comes into play as someone who holds discriminatory views sees jokes as a legitimisation of these views and ascribes to the speaker the same values. Jokes are seen by these receivers as vehicles of getting past social politeness.”

These responses assured me that I am not alone in my reaction, and helped me to articulate my point of view.

I understand that the joke was meant as a); and that you were genuinely trying to critique sexist attitudes, by showing how ridiculous they are. My point is though, that despite best intentions, jokes like this can still be sexist and harmful.

I know you said that probably only a minority of people in the class are sexist. I agree that most people are not sexist. But if a joke serves to reinforce the attitudes of one sexist person, and tells them that sexism, misogyny and demeaning women are ok, then are you really comfortable contributing to this one person’s belief?

But more importantly, this is a wider issue. Maybe only a handful of people in the class are overtly sexist. But this doesn’t change the fact that this is a much wider issue, because even though maybe not many individuals hold openly sexist attitudes, we still live in a sexist society.

If the joke that you told had been in a vacuum, where sexism didn’t exist and had never existed, then fine. But the reality is, we live in a world where women continue to be oppressed, and jokes that target women, or make light of sexism, or even attempt to critique it, despite best intentions, do serve to reinforce attitudes of sexism and misogyny.

Also, people laughed at this joke because overt sexism used to be ok and now it isn’t. But overt sexism isn’t funny, it is a very serious issue. If people think that overt sexism in the past is funny, one would suspect that these same people continue to think that sexism is funny today.

In thinking about this issue, I have come across the concept of “enlightened sexism”. “Enlightened sexism insists that women have made plenty of progress because of feminism -- indeed, full equality has allegedly been achieved -- so now it's OK, even amusing, to resurrect sexist stereotypes of girls and women. After all, these images can't undermine women at this late date, right?”

This quote is from this truly brilliant article which I highly recommend you read.

Also, scientific studies on the issue, here and here. And a linguistics analysis here. And another good article on sexist jokes generally here.

There are plenty more out there, but this should be a good start. I hope you get the opportunity to read some of them, and that they provide some food for thought, in terms of the way you frame some of your jokes. I am certainly not against all humour; I just think it has to be done in a respectful way.

Exactly how it can be done respectfully is a very difficult question. This article gives a good attempt to answer it, but only in the context of TV. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and try as I might, I don’t think there is a blanket rule which applies in all circumstances. I do think though, that the main thing to keep in mind is that, given the sexist society we live in, the way the audience interprets a joke will not necessarily be as intended. Perhaps the only way around this is to make your point explicitly. Maybe this will reduce the hilarity of the joke – but in these circumstances, maybe we should be weighing up the value of a laugh against the value of challenging patriarchy, and deciding which is more important.

I want to reinforce that I am not accusing you, as an individual, of being sexist. I have nothing but respect for you, especially given your willingness to engage with me on this issue, rather than simply dismissing my concerns.

My problem is with the way that sexism exists, and is allowed to exist, in our society, and especially at law school. Being that this is a space where the top legal minds of the future are being educated, I feel it is absolutely critical that we begin to address these structural inequalities and barriers.


UPDATE: also check out this article on hipster sexism. Didn't include it in the email, but I think very very relevant to this issue:

"Hipster sexism hinges on the assumption that “no one thinks this way anymore” and therefore it’s funny, like making a joke about horses and buggies or something. It allows for sexist comments under the guise of being sooo far above them, and it’s a lot harder to call out than non-ironic, old-fashioned sexism. (Ah, those were the days. JK I am being ironic! See?)"